What LIFE demands is not what the EGO wants. These life forces are at odds.

Let me make the distinction, when I say Ego, I mean the immature self, the child-like self. When I say Self I mean the mature ego, the self that is becoming, growing, defining meaning and pursing and creating love.

EGO is like the Greek Gods. Wanting what they want when they want it. Cruel to evoke fear. Cruel to provoke love through worship, prayers. Rarely kind to mortals like us. Challenges, whimsy, terrible fate all for entertainment, joke, even.

If I were a Greek god, a king. I wouldn’t suffer. I wouldn’t have to deal with stupid people. I wouldn’t be this way that I am. I would have what I want.

Between my inner fantasy of being king and the real issues of being human, I wanted to stay as close to the fantasy as I can, or I once did.

False crisis. Get myself falsely worked up to get shit done. Yet there is a truth to the crisis. I will die.

What is that golden mean?

  • The way between love and fear.
  • Love of life and fear of death.

Yesterday, I said to my men’s group.

Who am I to launch a competitor to US News, The Economist, Bloomberg Businessweek?  Who the fuck am I?

I am scared. For many reasons, I am scared. It isn’t enough. I’m not good enough. It won’t meet my needs. It won’t be enough to make be feel good about myself. It is just another ‘ranking’ website competing with 1,000s of others.

Once there was Altavista and now Google has 97% of the Market. I’m not looking to take over the market. I don’t feel that confident. I am not aiming my star that way.

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